Written by Misty of Myu Corner
The following are errors that I found in the first printing of Volume 2 of Kodansha USA’s English release of the Sailor Moon manga. They are divided into sections for writing errors (presented in a table), possible issues on multiple pages, honorific issues, inconsistencies/continuity errors, and miscellaneous errors (presented as bulleted lists).
I am not in any way affiliated with Kodansha USA, Del Rey, William Flanagan, or any other person or entity involved in the translation, production, or publication of the volume critiqued here. I also do not mean these critiques as libel in any way, shape, or form, and hope that the persons and entities involved in the translation, production, or publication of the volume critiqued here will not take it as such.
(Awkward writing, grammar & syntax errors, etc)
|Possible Replacement||Mixx Translation||Miss Dream translation|
|“And I started having the same dream over and over.”
|“And then I started having the same dream over and over.”||“I started having strange dreams -”||“It’s repeated again and again in my dreams.”|
|“I am using my minions, the Four Kings of Heaven to search the world over.”
|“I have used my minions, the Four Kings of Heaven, to search the world over.”
The following sentence, which states that the only country they haven’t searched is Japan, suggests that this sentence should be in past tense rather than present.
Also, the “Four Kings of Heaven” translation is wrong. See my Vol. 1 error report, “Possible Issues on Multiple Pages” section, for more on this.
|“Our soldiers have searched everywhere else…”||“My subordinates, the four generals, have searched high and low throughout the Earth”|
|“And now guardians have appeared and hinder us!”
|“And now guardians have appeared to hinder us!”||“Those obnoxious Sailor Scouts…they may already have it!”||“Because of these ‘soldiers’ getting in our way!!”|
|“I found D-point that day near the north pole as if it had been calling to me.”
|“I found D Point that day, near the North Pole, as if it had been calling to me.”||“At the North Pole…in those haunted ruins…when I stumbled upon…”||“That day, far up in the Arctic Circle, at Point D, I could hear something calling out to me.”|
|“That hidden, cursed ruined building”
|“That hidden, cursed, ruined building.”||“the Dark Kingdom…”||“She was there, hidden, cursed, ruined.”
“She” refers to Metallia
|“With it, this world is mine for the taking.”
|“With it, this world will be mine for the taking.”
The future tense of “to be” works better here, since she doesn’t actually have the Silver Crystal yet.
|“If only I had it…This planet would be mine!!”||“My dearest wish…is to obtain it and then to rule the world according to my desires!!”|
|“I’m sure that everyone, and Luna too, would give me a huge scolding.”
|Kinda awkward. Plus “scold” isn’t a word we use much nowadays.
Possible replacement: “I’m sure Luna and the others would be really angry.” or something similar
|“And Luna will get mad at me…”||“Luna and the others would just yell at me.”|
|“Trying to control people’s minds while they are trying to enjoy their R & R time is unforgiveable!”
|A bit redundant.
Possible replacement: “Trying to control people’s minds while they’re relaxing is unforgiveable!”
|“I won’t let you use entertainment to brainwash people!”||“How dare you take advantage of people who are simply trying to take some time to themselves to unwind a bit?!”|
|“Is she a fifth guardian?”
|“Is she the fifth guardian?”||“Oh no! It’s the fifth Scout!”
Mixx Beryl’s actually sure Venus is a Scout, it seems.
|“A fifth soldier?”|
|“Her Highnesss is also…of the Kingdom of the Moon, Silver Millennium…and the blessed successor to the sacred royal treasure, the ‘Legendary Silver Crystal’! She is Princess Serenity!”
|Sure, Artemis is waxing a bit eloquent – as he does when introducing Venus in PGSM as well – but this is a very convoluted bit right here.
Possible replacement: “Her Highness is also…the blessed heir of the sacred royal treasure, the “Legendary Silver Crystal,” and to the throne of the Moon Kingdom, Silver Millennium, Princess Serenity!”
I will admit, this was the hardest thing in this report to figure out a replacement for.
|“She’s heiress to the Moon Kingdom and the Silver Imperium Crystal…Princess Serenity!”
Mixx’s strategy: KISS (keep it simple stupid). Thank goodness!
|“She is the royal heir to throne of the Moon Kingdom of Silver Millennium and the anointed carrier of the ‘Silver Crystal,’ the crowning gem of the royal family. She is Princess Serenity!”|
|“We’ve been searching for you all this time. But never suspected you were the princess.”
|“We’ve been searching for you all this time, but we never suspected you were the princess.”||“We’ve been searching for the princess…you…”||“We’ve been searching for so long, but to think, all along you’ve been the Princess.”|
|“At first, Artemis and I would solve mysterious cases happening throughout Tokyo as the Champion of Justice, Sailor V.”
|“At first, with me as the Champion of Justice, Sailor V, Artemis and I would solve mysterious cases happening throughout Tokyo.”
This makes the sentence clearer, identifying who the “Champion of Justice, Sailor V” phrase refers to. After all, Minako is Sailor V, not Artemis!
|“Before I knew about you all, the two of us had been solving strange mysteries in town.”||“At first I worked to fight crime as a soldier of justice here in Tokyo, solving mysteries with Artemis.”|
|“This is to protect the ‘Legendary Silver Crystal’ too since the enemy will surely target us.”
|“This is to protect the ‘Legendary Silver Crystal’ too, since the enemy will surely target us.”||“The Enemy is going to be targeting us to get the Crystal.”||“The enemy has already pinpointed us as a target. We must protect the ‘Silver Crystal’.”|
|“The Complete Book of Crystal”
|Should probably be “The Complete Book of Crystals.”||“Crystals”||“Encyclopedia of Crystals”|
|“You know the type, filled with diamonds and stuff sparkling.”
Also noted by Brad/Moonkitty
|“You know the type, filled with diamonds and sparkling stuff.”||“Look at all the diamonds!”||“It’s like being on the inside of a jewelry box, the stars in the sky are glittering like diamonds.”|
|“Denizens of the Earth and Moon are forbidden to fraternize”
|As pointed out by Brad of Moonkitty.net, this sounds awkward.
Possible replacement: “The peoples of the Earth and the Moon aren’t allowed to associate with one another.” or something similar
|“Communication between the people of the Moon and the Earth is forbidden…”||“The inhabitants of the Earth and of the Moon must not interact”|
|“that is the god’s law”
Also noted by Brad/Moonkitty
|“that is the gods’ law” would make the most sense, since Japan is traditionally polytheistic (even pantheistic, through Shinto). Brad/Moonkitty pointed out that one could say “that is God’s law” here, if the reference is meant to refer to the Christian God, and fansubs I’ve seen of a scene of Beryl and Moon discussing the past life in one of the early musicals seem to support that interpretation.||“It is the way of the gods…”
It’s interesting that Mixx would use “way of the gods” here, since that’s exactly what Shinto (as in the name of the Japanese religion) means in Japanese.
|“It’s God’s law”|
|“We’re so sorry she’s a daily worry for you!”
Possible replacement: “We’re sorry she’s such a burden to you.”
|“My, my…you’re so sweet to visit everyday…”||“Well, I’m so sorry that you have been worried every day like this!”|
|“I was…I was the very last inheritor…of the throne of Silver Millennium…Princess Serenity.”
|“I am…the very last heir to the throne of the Silver Millennium…Princess Serenity.”
While “inheritor” and “heir” mean the same thing, “heir” is a word people nowadays would recognize, while “inheritor” isn’t necessarily. Also, I think the present tense works better here than the past tense does.
|“I am…the last heir to the throne of the the Silver Millennium, Princess Serenity…”
Mixx and I went almost exactly the same route! Cool!
|“I am Princess Serenity, last heir to the royal family of the Silver Millennium.”|
(several times in Ami’s dialogue, p. 144)
|Should be “its.” This is a common punctuation error, and even auto-grammar checks make the mistake sometimes of autocorrecting “its” to “it’s.” It’s really frustrating!||Mixx has only one “its”/”it’s” mistake, in the phrase “while it’s diameter.” They also make a similar mistake with “who’s”/”whose” in the phrase “satellite of the Earth who’s period.”||One “it’s”/”its” mistake; “it’s mass”|
|“Luna’s suggestion of going to the moon was easily said”
|“Luna made getting to the moon sound easy.”||“Luna said we’re going to the moon”||“Luna said ‘We’ll go to the moon’ just like that”|
|“That’s the power we’ll used to translocate ourselves.”
Also noted by Brad/Moonkitty
|“That’s the power we’ll use to teleport.”
As Brad/Moonkitty points out in his report, using “teleport” here also ties it to the Senshi group power “Sailor Teleport.”
|“We can use that power to transport to the moon.”||“We should be able to harness that power to teleport.”|
|“Once you’re transformed, everyone, hold hands.”
|“Once you’re transformed, everyone hold hands.”||“When you transform, join hands.”||“Afterwards, everyone join hands”|
|“Say, Usagi…here’s a true…Moon Bunny!”
|According to the translation notes, “Moon Bunny” here was an attempt to keep the pun that appears in the Japanese original (Tsukino Usagi [Usagi’s name]/tsuki no usagi [“rabbit on the moon,” Japan’s version of our “man in the moon” concept]). Still, this could be reworded, possibly as “Say Usagi…Now you’re a real Moon Bunny!”||“Y’know Bunny, now you really are…the rabbit in the moon…”||“Hey, Usagi. Now you really are a ‘rabbit on the moon.’”|
|“That is the sacred sword of legends that protects the princess”
|“That is the sacred legendary sword that protects the Princess.”||“That is the legendary sword that protects the Princess.”||“That is the legendary sword that protects the Princess.”|
|“We are a long-lived race born on the moon”
|“We are a long-lived race, born on the moon”||“We who were born on the Moon had a long lifespan…”||“Those of us who are born of the Moon have very long lives”|
|“you exorcised your will”
|Noted by Brad of Moonkitty.net. Should be “exercised,” not “exorcized.”||“Well…Princess Serenity’s desire to help him caused that to happen…”||“It means that you must have tried to save him, Princess Serenity.”|
|“Also never forget that you are a normal girl too”
|“But never forget – you are a normal girl too.”||“But don’t forget that you are also a young woman…”||“And most of all, don’t forget that underlying everything else that happens, you are a girl.”|
|“It looks like soon, morning will be coming to the Earth.”
|“It looks like it’ll be morning soon on Earth.”||“It’ll soon be morning on Earth.”||“It’s almost dawn on Earth, should we return?”|
|“The Earth looks like a glass ball decoration that hangs on a Christmas tree”
|“The Earth looks like a glass ball Christmas ornament.”||“The Earth…It looks like a big blue marble…”||“The Earth looks like a glass Christmas tree ornament…”|
|“Was there actually a door this deep within the Earth?”
|“How can there be a door so deep underground?”||“What is this door? Here so deep in the Earth…”||“What is she doing this far underground…? And what is that giant door…?!”|
|“No, Usagi, they call something this incredible, Condo-millions.”
|Not sure the comma after “incredible” is needed.||“It’s not an apartment, it’s a penthouse.”
Um, Mako-chan, a penthouse is a type of apartment.
|“No, Usagi, these are actually luxury condos!”|
|“V-chan try hitting it against the sword.”
|“V-chan, try hitting it against the sword.”||“Mina, try tapping this with the sword.”||“V, why don’t you try to take a whack at it with your sword?”|
|“I have no use left for you!”
|“I no longer have any use for you!”||“We have no need for you.”||“I no longer have any need for you stupid girls.”|
|“And you, Sailor Guardians, this will be your grave!”
Possible Replacement: “Sailor Guardians, this will be your grave!”
Also not sure about “Sailor Guardians,” even though I know “guardian” replaces “senshi” in the Kodansha volumes.
|“This will be your end, Sailor Scouts!!”||“You have brought yourselves to your own graveyard, Sailor Soldiers!”|
|“I am, Princess Beryl! Queen of the Dark Kingdom”
|As pointed out by Brad of Moonkitty.net and others, this sentence is very weird. First of all, you can’t be a princess and a queen at the same time. Others have pointed out that “Princess” doesn’t even appear in the original Japanese. My only suggestion for this is maybe to say: “Princess, I am Queen Beryl, Queen of the Dark Kingdom.” I suggest this because I think they intended to show that Beryl was addressing the Princess (Sailor Moon) and something got messed up.||“I am Queen Beryl, Ruler of the Dark Kingdom.”
At least Mixx got it right.
|“I am Queen Beryl. I am the Queen of the Dark Kingdom.”
Miss Dream got it right too.
Possible Issues on Several Pages
- “Phantom Champion of Justice”: This appears on pages 30, 49, and 53 in reference to Sailor V. It sounds a little weird, but may be a similar error to the “Kaitou Ace”/”Phantom Ace” error in Sailor V. (You can find more detail on that in my Sailor V vol. 2 error report).
- “Borrowed form”: This error appears in a line of Minako’s on page 61 and in a similar line of Usagi’s on page 67 (which Usagi “borrowed” – no pun intended – from Minako). Brad from Moonkitty.net and sassypants678 of Miss Dream both agree that this translation is wrong. While the Japanese used there does mean “borrowed form,” in English this is apparently not the best translation.
- I say “princess,” you say “Princess”: In their dialogue on pages 77-78, Metallia continuously refers to the Moon Princess as “princess” (lowercase p) while Beryl refers to her as “Princess” (uppercase p). While technically “princess” can be written uncapitalized if it’s used as a general term (“She was a princess for Halloween”/”She wants a princess cake for her birthday”), generally if it’s used in a more specific sense, even if it isn’t part of a title (like “Princess Diana”) it should probably be capitalized.
Honorific Issues (Oddly Used, Not Needed)
- “V-chan game” (p. 37): -chan not needed.
- “Endymion-sama” (p. 118) & “Prince Endymion-sama” (119): -sama not needed, especially as this is used by Usagi/Serenity, who was supposedly on a first-name basis with Endymion, though it might just be a sign of respect.
- “Crescent-bald-spot-kitty-chan” (p. 132): This error also appeared several times in volume 1 of the Kodansha Sailor Moon release. Thankfully, this is the only time it appears in vol. 2, so the editors learned their lesson, it seems. It does seem odd to me though that, after all this time, Usagi’s mom still doesn’t call Luna by name.
I didn’t find any! Seriously. I am really surprised. Since there were several in volume 1, I’m glad to see none here. I just checked the other error reports out there (which you can find listed on the Miss Dream Editorials Page, along with links to my own reports) and they didn’t note any either. Maybe there’s hope after all!
- Silver Crystal Pendant (p. 145): This isn’t exactly an error, but something I noticed which did kinda seem weird to me when I read Miss Dream’s manga translation too — so Usagi gave her dad the SILVER CRYSTAL to have put on a chain as a pendant? What if he’d lost it? It’s not like she can just go get another one. After all, she freaks out in the Black Moon/R arc when Chibiusa steals her brooch with the Silver Crystal in it. So why did she do that? I understand having it on a necklace might help keep Usagi from losing it, but it still seems like a really risky thing to do.
- Moon’s stage (p. 147 & 150): I was kinda confused by the references to the “moon’s stage” on these two pages. The first quote (p. 147) says “The moon’s stage is 13.7” while the second (p. 150) says “Moon phase: 15.” Supposedly, this is supposed to refer to how “old” the moon is. Since a lunar cycle is approximately 30 days in length (actually 29.53 days on average [Wikipedia]), on the night of the full moon — halfway through the cycle — the moon would be 15 days old, after having started as a new moon on day 1 and “waxing” (or becoming “bigger”) through the waxing crescent, first quarter, and waxing gibbous stages into a full moon. After the full moon, the moon “wanes” (or becomes “smaller” than the full moon), going through the waning gibbous, last quarter, and waning crescent stages. So the second line (which is Rei’s, and you think Rei, who apparently fortune tells by the moon, would know better) is incorrect: the phase of the moon at 15 days would be the “full moon.” The first line (Makoto’s) is probably wrong too, if “stage” is meant to mean the same as “phase.” Anyway, these could’ve both been reworded to be less confusing.
- The text on the bottom panel of page 153 seems switched. It should probably be “…To the ‘Sea of Serenity.’ ‘Mare Serenitatis.'”
- The text for the concept art in the back of the volume is left untranslated.
Verdict on the series so far : The massive decrease in non-writing errors from volume 1 to volume 2 is very encouraging. Clearly, the editors are learning. This decrease may also be because this volume wasn’t as rushed into production as volume 1 seems to have been, allowing for more time to at least do large-scale edits, the sort that would cut down on errors in continuity and honorifics as well as errors appearing on multiple pages and miscellaneous errors.
However, there are still quite a lot of writing errors, the kind that could easily be caught by having an experienced line editor — someone who spends their time going line by line to edit a work — go through the thing. True, you wouldn’t think a manga publisher would have a line editor (though book publishers usually have one or more line editors), but my experience error-checking this manga series so far makes me think Kodansha Comics could use a good line editor, if they don’t have one already.
Let’s hope the editors keep improving!
Credits: The lines from the Mixx English translation come from scans I obtained at Neo Nobility. The examples given from Miss Dream’s translation belong, naturally, to Miss Dream. Mixx English manga (Sailor Moon) © 1996-1998 Mixx/TokyoPop. Kodansha English manga (Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon) © 2011 Kodansha USA, Kodansha Comics and William Flanagan. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon (Japanese) © 1992-1997, 2003-2004 Naoko Takeuchi.