Written by Misty of Myu Corner
The following are errors that I found in the first printing of Volume 13 (Short Stories 1) of Kodansha USA’s English release of the Sailor Moon manga, which contains the three “Chibi-Usa’s Picture Diary” side stories, the three Exam Battle stories (“The Melancholy of Makoto,” “Ami-chan’s First Love,” and “Rei and Minako’s School Battle”), and the side story “The Secret of Hammer Price Hall.” They are divided into sections for writing errors (presented in a table), possible issues on multiple pages, honorific issues, inconsistencies/continuity errors, and miscellaneous errors (presented as bulleted lists).
I am not in any way affiliated with Kodansha USA, Del Rey, William Flanagan, Mari Morimoto, or any other person or entity involved in the translation, production, or publication of the volume critiqued here. I also do not mean these critiques as libel in any way, shape, or form, and hope that the persons and entities involved in the translation, production, or publication of the volume critiqued here will not take it as such.
(Awkward writing, grammar & syntax errors, etc)
|Possible Replacement||Tokyopop Translation*||Miss Dream translation|
|“Will you stop trying to pick fights!”|
|Needs a question mark: “Will you stop trying to pick fights?!”||“Kyusuke! Stop picking fights! That’s a bad habit!”||“Stop trying to pick a fight, you big bully!”|
|“Did anyone hear last night that he wasn’t planning to be in, or know anything else?”|
|“Does anybody know anything about it? Did anybody hear that he wasn’t planning to come?” or something similar||“Yesterday, did he tell anyone he would be gone today, or anything?”||“I heard that he went to Miss Hubert’s yesterday, do you know anything about what may have happened to him?”|
|“Then they’ll turn to ashes and be terminated!”|
|“Then they’ll die and turn into ashes”||“Then they turn to ashes and disappear!”||“Once that happens, the vampire will vanish in a cloud of smoke and dust and be rid of!”|
|“strips of paper, at school!”|
|Lose the comma: “strips of paper at school”||“We made lots of wishes at school and put them on it!”||“So at school we have this project where we’re writing down all of wishes on pieces of paper for the holiday”|
|genius loci=protective spirit”|
(p. 64 footnote)
|Missing a quotation mark: “genius loci=protective spirit”||There is no footnote; the term “ghost” is used for the spirit.”||Not present in the Miss Dream translation; the term “genius” is used but there is no footnote.|
|“Champion of maidens and snacks!!”|
|“Champion” needs to be plural: “Champions of maidens and snacks!!”||“Friends of girls and sweets!!”||“We are the allies of all young girls who love sweets!”|
|“In order to become lovely high school students!”|
|This is not a complete sentence. Suggestion: “But we want to become lovely high school students!” or something similar||“We’re all studying for high school entrance exams.”||“’Flower’ is the name of the girls’ academy we’re trying to get into, you see.”|
|“So I must, also!”|
|Lose the comma: “So I must also!”||“I have to take it too!”||“I’ve got to take it too!”|
(p. 121 footnote)
|To match the main text, “Bonnû” should be “Bonnûn”||“D. Zire”||“Bonnoun”|
|“Here’s an attack of love letters from one’s first love, that is the start of worldly desires!!”|
|This is an example of a common grammar error called a comma splice, where two independent clauses are “spliced” together with a comma. These should be two separate sentences, not one sentence. So it should read: “Here’s an attack of love letters from one’s first love. That is the start of worldly desires!!” Or, to match the second sentence, the first sentence could also end in an exclamation mark: “Here’s an attack of love letters from one’s first love!”||“The beginning of all love…Love letter attack!!”||“Here is where passion begins. A love letter attack from your first love!!”|
|“Chasing after idols and scoping them out before they debut, is my hobby”|
|Needs a comma and sentence agreement: “Chasing after idols, and scoping them out before they debut, are my hobbies”||“Hobby: being a celeb groupie.”||“My hobby is idol chasing.”|
|“I…pass, since I have an early morning tomorrow, to perform purification rites”|
|“I…pass. I have an early morning tomorrow. I have to perform purification rites.” or something similar||“I have meditation tomorrow morning, so I’ll pass.”||“I have a meditation session tomorrow morning to attend, so I’ll have to pass.”|
|“Are you being conciliatory to the rest of us?”|
“Now who’s being conciliatory?”
|The translator could have used a better word here. The word “conciliatory” means “tending to conciliate” (conciliate meaning “to overcome the distrust or hostility of; placate; win over”/”to win or gain (goodwill, regard, or favor)”/”to make compatible; reconcile”). [Dictionary.com for iPhone]|
A possible replacement for the first line might be “Are you just humoring us?” or something along those lines, since the intention of Ami’s question (from the context) is to ask Rei why she studies with them when she has no entrance exams (due to her school using an “elevator system” that does not require entrance exams to get into high school). For Rei’s response (the second line noted here), I’m not sure what to suggest as a replacement, maybe “Now who’s humoring who?” or something like that.
|“Raye, are you sure you want to hang out with us?”|
|“You must be really worried about the progress this group has been making, right?”|
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
|“Freed from this old well, my first breath of this corrupt world’s air in 300 years, reeks of vulgar smells!”|
|A rather run-on sentence. Should be “Freed from this old well, my first breath of this corrupt world’s air in 300 years reeks of vulgar smells!” or something similar||“Freed from that old well! The air out here smells so barbarous!”||“It’s been 300 years since the last time I was part of this crude world, and the smell of indecency still stenches.”|
|“I’ve looked up to you ever since I matriculated!”|
|“Matriculated” is a rather strange word choice. Something like “I’ve looked up to you ever since I came here!” would sound better. The word “matriculate,” by the way, means “to enroll in a college or university as a candidate for a degree” or “to register (a coat of arms)” and comes from the Latin word matriculare, “to register.” [Dictionary.com for iPhone]||“I’ve admired you since I was a freshman!!”||“I, uhhhh, I h-have looked up to you like a sister since being accepted to this school, so…”|
|“a protective spirit who dwells in this garden of women since the lovely Edo era”|
|Needs a change of verb tense: “a protective spirit who has dwelled [or dwelt] in this garden of women since the lovely Edo era”||“I’ve haunted this female garden for years.”||“I am the ghost that has haunted this flower garden since the time of Edo”|
|Spelling error. Should be “Naruru”||“Naruru”||“Naruru”|
|“A Guccicci yukata summer kimono!”|
|To say “yukata summer kimono” is redundant; a “yukata” is a type of kimono worn in the summer, due to being made of lighter fabric, hence both terms don’t need to be there. You could just use “yukata” and explain it in the translation notes.||“Gutchichi’s summer kimono.”||“A Gucci yukata”|
*Due to the ongoing investigation of Megaupload by the FBI, I was unable to download the file of the Mixx version I usually use from Neo Nobility. So, for this and possibly several future reports, I will be using the raw scans of the Tokyopop version from Miss Dream rather than Neo Nobility’s Mixx scans.
Possible Issues on Several Pages
- Touhi’s speech throughout Exam Battle 1 is very strange and rather stereotypical.
- The translator chose to go for valley girl speech for Naruru and Ruruna throughout the “Secret of Hammer Price Hall” story, and explains in the translation notes that the speech style they use in the original, kogyarugo, “is probably most analogous to ‘valley girl speak.'” I guess this is not necessarily an error, just a translation choice. The extent of the valley girl speech does come across as very annoying to read, though, but I guess that’s kind of the point.
- Otakurer, like Touhi, uses very strange speech.
- The term “Chubster Mask” is used by Makoto Hanmatsuura to refer to his Tuxedo Kamen-esque form on pages 188 and 189 and later on page 195 by Ruruna when she wonders where he went. The actual Japanese term used for the name is Debutcho Kamen or “Chubby Mask.” Not sure where “chubster” came from.
Honorific Issues (Oddly Used, Not Needed)
- “Haruka Big Sis and Michiru Big Sis” (p. 35): While “Big Sis” is a proper translation of what is probably “Haruka-oneechan” and “Michiru-oneechan” in the original, it sounds kinda awkward.
- The same awkward “Mako-chan-sempai” error seen in other volumes appears on p. 89.
- Kyuusuke’s Button: On page 5, Kyuusuke claims his brother made his Sailor V button, but at the end of the story (and in the original version) he claims his sister made them.
- Venus’s Intro: On page 24, Sailor Venus introduces herself as “Pretty Guardian of Love and Justice in a Sailor Suit, Sailor Venus!!”. However, to match the way Venus usually introduces herself, it should be “Pretty Guardian of Love and Beauty,” to match the Japanese title for her, ai to bi no senshi. “Pretty Guardian of Love and Justice” (ai to seigi no senshi) is Sailor Moon’s line.
- Mercury’s Intro: A similar error to what happened with Venus’s intro on page 24 happens on page 127 with Sailor Mercury. She introduces herself as “The Guardian of Justice and Knowledge, Sailor Mercury.” However, to be consistent with the rest of the Sailor Moon series, it should be “Guardian of Water and Knowledge,” to match the original Japanese title for her, mizu to sei no senshi.
- Minako’s Disguise Power: On page 143, when using the compact she used to disguise herself when she was Sailor V, Minako yells “Moon Power! Transform me into a T.A. Academy student!” However, this phrase is inconsistent with the Sailor V manga, where the phrase she uses to disguise herself is “Crescent Moon Power, Transform” (三日月パワー・トランスフォーム). “Moon Power” is used when Minako wants to transform into Sailor V, using the phrase “Moon Power, Transform” (ムーン・パワー・トランスフォーム). The only case in which “Moon Power” is used as a disguise power is when Usagi uses her Disguise Pen; in that case she says “Moon Power! [Name of disguise] ni nare!”
- In my copy, the table of contents seems to be in the wrong place, stuck right in the middle of the first few pages of the first story rather than right after the chapter title spread. [Picture]
- Lyrica Hubert’s name is romanized as Lilica throughout the first Chibi-usa’s Picture Diary. The katakana used for her first name is リリカ (Ririka), which could also be romanized as Lilika (as the letters l and r are interchangeable in Japanese), so the translator, knowing this, probably went with “Lilica” for that reason. Miss Dream uses “Lyrica” however, which is probably the better romanization.
- In “Beware of Tanabata,” the constellations where the stars in the Tanabata legend, Vega and Altair, are located are referred to as the “Lyre constellation” and the “Eagle constellation” rather than their astronomical names, Lyra and Aquila. I understand they wanted to make sure the readers understood the text without needing to know constellation names, but they could have used the astronomical names and then explained the names in a footnote or translation note instead.
- This volume does not include all the translation notes, due to lack of space. (Something I have difficulty believing from what I know of how books are made, since if they ended up with extra blank pages as a result of allowing space for the notes – a possibility since books, as I understand it, are usually printed in signatures, or sets of 16 pages – they could always sell ad space or something to fill them). You can find the rest of the translation notes at Kodansha USA’s website: http://kodanshacomics.com/sailor-moon-short-stories-1-extra-translation-notes/.
- The title of the third Exam Battle story, “Rei and Minako’s Girl School Battle,” inexplicably has a question mark at the end in this version (thus reading “Rei and Minako’s Girl School Battle?”).
- Not an error exactly…but Kodansha points out in their additional translation notes (linked to above) that the “H x H” on the manga Minako has in her hand on page 134 does not stand for Hunter x Hunter, a famous manga series by manga artist/writer Yoshihiro Togashi; it couldn’t have been as that series had not yet been released when “Rei and Minako’s Girl School Battle” was originally printed (it was printed in 1995, and Hunter x Hunter didn’t debut till 1998). It’s possible Naoko-san added it in when she updated the art for the shinsoban version, however; after all, Yoshihiro-san and her are married now, so maybe she snuck it in as a tribute. :)
Credits: The lines from the Tokyopop English translation come from scans I obtained at Miss Dream. The examples given from Miss Dream’s translation belong, naturally, to Miss Dream. Tokyopop English manga (Sailor Moon) © 1996-1998 TokyoPop. Kodansha English manga (Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon) © 2011-2013 Kodansha USA, Kodansha Comics, William Flanagan, and Mari Morimoto. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon (Japanese) © 1992-1997, 2003-2004 Naoko Takeuchi.